Too Much To Say, Too Little Time

If I possess the appropriate amount of self control, I will have completed all class work for my Masters in Public Health by Friday.  This may mean that I’m finishing at 11:30 tonight but I want to be done by Friday, dangit.  Sadly, I have a stupid Masters thesis that I cannot defend until June due to my professors’ schedules.  And while one could argue that you can finish your thesis and not touch it again until June, that’s actually not feasible because this thing is my BABY (well, if one could loathe their baby) and I’m crazy about making it perfect.

In other news, I’m on a desperate job hunt.  Come July, I will be living in the Bay Area.  Am I employed? No. Have I tried? Yes.  It’s rather frustrating to hold two Masters degrees in your hands and struggle to find a job.  Next week (and all of the weeks following that until I’m employed) will be devoted to OBTAINING EMPLOYMENT.  I’ve rented out my house to college students starting June 1st which means I’ll be packing and moving somewhere in there too.  And painting everything around the house because again, I’m crazy.

But really, it’s time for me to put some things in perspective.  I’m so focused on forcing everything to work out perfectly that I’ve completely lost the ability to enjoy the moment.  I recognize that this is no way to live but it’s so difficult to enjoy the little things while it feels the big things are going to swallow you whole. And I suppose I feel I’m going it alone.  All of my friends have jobs.  Few of my friends have finals.  Even fewer are writing a thesis.  But that doesn’t mean they don’t have things going on, too.  And obsessing over writing a thesis isn’t the same as writing it.

During undergrad, I would breeze through finals week with a beer in hand and not a worry to be seen.  I was confident that things would work out just as they should and was willing to have the patience to witness that. All of that patience led me to Cambodia, where I had an unbelievable life.   That led me to New York, where I worked for a great organization in the world’s best city.  If we learn from our history, it’s time for me to learn that things just work themselves out.

For this next week, I’m throwing perfectionism, lofty goals and unrealistic expectations out the window.  If I want to drink a beer, I’ll drink a damn beer.  Life doesn’t have to be neat and clean with a little bow.  I will finish my MPH.  I will land a great job.  And I’ll enjoy life in the mean time.

 

 

Travel Season and Ramblin’

Each year, my March is spent traveling the globe.  I have no idea why it happens this way.  Certainly some of it has to do with the timing of spring break.  Some of it has to do with my tax return this time of year.  And I’m sure a whole lot of it has to do with the fact that Minnesota winters are brutal.  Whatever the reason, I’m leaving.

I spent last week in Napa.  Today I’m heading to Chicago to spend the night with Porter and tomorrow I fly to Columbus for the bachelorette party of one of my closest friends.  I’m really excited about this.  I’ve been fairly engaged in the planning process along with the bride’s sister and another bridesmaid and I think we’re going to have an awesome time.  Plus, since I’m the only one who lives flying distance away, I get to spend Friday night with the bride before everyone else gets into town.  I’m looking forward to spending some time “just the two of us” as most of our time spent together these past few years has been at reunions, weddings and large get-togethers.

Immediately following the bridal shower on Sunday, I’m headed south to a warm, Caribbean island: Haiti!  You can read my post from last year’s Haiti trip here.  This year’s trip will be a bit more productive.  A little less talking and a lot more action!  I’ll update when I return.  I’m heading down to do some work for this organization (which may or may not have significant ties to my family, ha).

I’ve been packing this morning and my suitcase is quite the sight.  It’s stuffed to the brim with little black dresses (bachelorette party), boots (Chicago), little boy underwear (Haiti), slightly inappropriate toys (bachelorette party), pencils (Haiti), sundresses (bridal shower) and BOTTLES of gummy multivitamins (Haiti).  I can hardly lug the dang thing down the stairs so it will be interesting getting along for the next few weeks.

If you haven’t yet watched THIS video, do so.  Say what you will about Invisible Children as an organization, but this is one of the finest examples of community organizing of our generation.

NVM Recap

Those of you who are my twitter friends know that I happily completed 26.2 this past Sunday.  Frankly, I continually forget that I ran a marathon.  And when I remember that I ran a marathon, I forget that running a marathon is hard.  For whatever reason it didn’t seem difficult in the moment so I struggle to feel like I accomplished something.  Maybe I should search for some race photos to confirm that I did, indeed, run a marathon.  Can someone confirm for me that 26.2 miles is a really, really long way?

Since I’ve never run a marathon before, I don’t have anything to truly compare this to.  But I’m still going to go ahead and say that this marathon is really top notch.  The marathon is capped at 2,500 people making it a logistical dream and incredibly intimate.  The course is gorgeous, the volunteers were wonderful, and the community was fun and supportive.  We ran past vineyards blasting 80′s music, lots of cheering kids, and supportive bikers out on a long Sunday ride.  The swag bags were great, transportation to the starting line was simple, and not surprisingly, there was wine at the expo!  The most impressive part was the camaraderie between the runners; everyone was chatting on the course sharing stories of past marathons, training runs, longtime marriages and new divorces.  I know a whole lot about a whole lot of strangers! If you’re looking to finish your first marathon, I’d highly recommend NVM.

As far as my race experience goes, it was pretty mellow.  The alarm blared at 4:30 AM and I quickly threw on my clothes and made some breakfast.  We loaded buses at the local high school to ride to Calistoga, a town 26 miles down the road that served as the starting line.  While on the buses, we ate breakfast and chatted with other runners.  Everyone was very friendly and it seemed that while there are some really talented runners at NVM, most people run NVM for recreation.

The race started at 7:00.  It was a brisk thirty-five degrees at the start which was PERFECT for me.  I’ve been training in cold temperatures all winter and my biggest concern was my ability to run in the heat.  I ran the entire race with my mother who stopped to go to the bathroom three times during the marathon.  Which left me with extra time to nosh on oranges while she waited in line for KYBOS.

My first mile is always my most difficult mile; my legs seem heavy and slow and it takes me a bit to get into my stride.  I didn’t really notice the miles until 9, when we saw our support team.  It was great to see them, ditch some clothes, and say a quick hello.  I took my first gel between miles 9 and 10.  Around this time I also saw “purple tutu” (Hi, Beth!) who randomly found my blog and commented.  Of course, I stalked her down on the course.

We had no idea what pace we were running as there were no pacers or clocks and we opted to ditch the Garmin.  I was dead set on this being a fun experience.  When we crossed the 13.1 mark in 2:20, the only time we had any idea what pace we were running, I was a bit surprised by our pace.  I had hoped we would be running faster than that as I was hoping to sub 4:30.  But I felt good and was happy to be having fun.  My veteran marathoner mother warned me that miles 13 to 18 are typically the hardest, so I made peace with my pace and just ran to enjoy it.

There was lots of talk of a large hill at mile 19.  Fortunately, my mom and I ended up chatting with some ladies and missed both the 19 and 20 mile markers along with the notorious hill.  When we reached 21, I was pretty happy to set a new PDR record and continue to do so with each step I took.  By the time we got to mile 21, though, it was bloody hot.  The course is on a beautiful country blacktop that, sadly, offers no shade.  Most people around us were really slowing down (see also: walking) but I was feeling like I could pick up the pace.

I felt confident the entire time that I wouldn’t hit the wall.  There is no doubt that my knees were screaming, my quads were exhausted, and my body was tired but I felt really, really strong.  There was sorbet at mile 22, our support team at mile 23, and from there I knew that I would undoubtedly finish this race feeling great. I was mentally tough the entire time I ran this thing.

The last quarter mile was the worst, as I assume it always is.  We entered town and then zig-zagged around blocks to reach the finish line.  It was hot.  The zig-zagging was irritating.  And being in the town of Napa wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as the Napa countryside.  We finished around 4:40.  Our first half was only four seconds slower than the second half.  I was smiling as I finished. Relief and pride, I guess.

The worst part, frankly, has been the recovery.  My quads were/are terribly sore.  My knees were/are swollen. And I have some uncomfortable tweak in my foot.  I haven’t caught the ‘marathoner bug’ like most people seem to, but I’m not opposed to running another one either.  I have a half marathon on April 28th and am hoping to focus on speed in the coming month.

Long story short, the Napa Valley Marathon was a wonderful experience and I’d recommend it to all first time marathoners!

Race Nerves and General Insanity

One week.  One freaking week until I have to run 26.2 miles through vineyards.  People have been asking me if I’m nervous for the past week or so.  In general, no, I’m not.  The worst that can happen is that I walk through a finish line and while I’ll be quite disappointed about that, but I’m pretty sure I’ll get over it.  And truthfully, I’m really confident that I’ll be able to run all 26 miles without much of a problem.  They won’t be fast miles but I’ll get ‘er done.

Of course, I’m nervous about weird things which is how I am in life.  The two things that stress me out more than anything else in the world is ordering pizza over the phone and figuring out where to park at someone’s house that I don’t know all that well.  It’s nonsensical, I know.  I have a hard time following social norms when ordering pizza over the phone and I have a fear of parking in a place that blocks someone else in.  I grew up with a six car garage and the largest driveway you’ve ever seen so not having a place to park is sort of foreign to me.

Returning our focus to the marathon, the weather is something of significant concern and while I recognize that it’s crazy to long for 20 degree race temps, that’s what I’m comfortable with.  I’m terrified of anything over sixty because ohdearthat’ssohot.

What to wear has been another concern as I will begin the race in a t-shirt as part of my fundraiser for Duchenne muscular dystrophy in memory of Anthony.  (Feel free to donate!  I am only $50 from my goal!)  I’m guessing at some point I’ll be hot enough to want to strip down into just a tank.  (Well, I’ll actually be hot enough to want to strip down to a sports bra but we know that won’t be happening.)  I don’t want to lose the shirt so I’ll be holding on to it until I can hand it off, I guess.

Oh, and I’ve read EVERYWHERE that I need to have an established pre-race meal for both supper and breakfast.  I don’t have one.  Nor do I really want to have one.  I just eat what I feel like in the morning and find what I find for supper. Let’s hope that works out next Sunday.

All in all, marathon training has been a positive experience.  There were certainly days that long runs seemed like the worst thing in the world, but once I started it was fairly easy to keep going.  I’ve had a few dreadful short runs but I’m grateful that this Minnesota winter has cooperated and I was able to hammer out most of my miles without freezing to death.

Any tips for a first time marathoner?  I know some of my favorite readers (ahem, Brookem and Fitz) are awesome and have dominated a marathon already, so let’s hear it, girls!

Viva Mexico!

I’m not sure there is anything more depressing than returning from a beach vacation and arriving in a snow-covered, freezing cold, totally grey Minnesota.  Since that’s what happened today, it was a rather depressing day. 

However, I’ll take it because the six days preceding today were filled with sun, pina coladas, college best friends, sailing, beach and love.  Porter and I headed south of the border to witness the marriage of two of our closest college friends.  The bride arrived at the gazebo in a horse drawn carriage on a gorgeous evening in Cancun.  We swam with dolphins, enjoyed massages, played golf and spent hours at the pool, complete with an inflatable pong table. 

Aside: I know lots of people played lots of beer pong in college.  But my college friends seem to have an even greater affinity for the sport than most.  I’m talking NATIONAL beer pong tournaments. We take that shit seriously.

This vacation was exactly what I needed.  I completed my literature review prior to departing for Mexico and have returned refreshed and ready to finish this final semester as swiftly as possible.  It helps that I’ve spent the past few hours booking flights to Columbus (O-H…), Chicago, Napa, and Haiti.  And that I know where I’ll be moving come June (eeeek!).

Life is, in a word, great.  I’m happy I got here.

The Big, Bad Thesis

Oh trust, I have another post all typed up that details my frustrations with the expectations that society places on relationship and marriage (i.e. I Call Bullshit – Part 2) but today I need to write about my thesis so that I can hopefully WRITE my thesis.

The perks of being a graduate student are many.  Magically, student loans appear in my checking account each semester, I have built-in friends at all times, I run the halls of the health buildings reminiscent of senior year of high school and I get to learn, discuss, and dissect information every single day.  I can also go running in the middle of the day and sleep in on most any day that I choose.

But it’s becoming more clear to me why they expect a certain GPA to enter graduate school and a large part of that is MOTIVATION.  Remember that kid who lived in your dorm freshman year who was ridiculously smart (and made sure everyone knew it) but he was rocking like a 2.38 GPA?  He wanted to be a doctor but never got it together to register for the MCAT?  While I’m not saying he is going to be much of a success at anything, I can guarantee he couldn’t hack graduate school.

Without a doubt, the greatest skill I will take with me out of this graduate program is the ability to be self motivated.  Truth is, I didn’t learn this skill in the process of getting my Masters in Social Work.  The MSW degree program is much less academic and can seem a bit hokey.  Much of human interaction, both with individuals and populations, is rooted in experience rather than theory and I respect that so this is not to say that social workers are not well-trained in their field.  They are. This is to say that social workers are not well trained as ACADEMICS and therefore I was not a well-trained academic prior to my MPH work.

My course load this semester is ridiculously light.  Presently, I have one class on Tuesday nights.  The course in Global Nutrition and I love it.  One would think, then, that it should be no problem to finish my thesis between January and May.  Because, hello, I have about 112 hours each week to use on writing my thesis.  (That’s assuming I get eight hours of sleep each night.  168-56 = 112. Priorities, people.)  I could finish my thesis is one week if I really wanted to.

But, I have yet to really START my thesis.  I’ve had three weeks and I’ve done nothing.  To say that this is daunting and scary and disappointing is an understatement.  I mean, earth to Lauren!  It won’t finish itself!  The thing is, the task just seems so BIG.  And there are so many other projects I am working on – two non-profit boards, consulting for non-profit start-ups, my research assistantship – that I find to be much more enjoyable.

All of this is really to say that I’m failing as a graduate student.  I am lacking the one key that every graduate student needs: SELF MOTIVATION.  My goal for this week is to do SOMETHING for my thesis – write my literature review, find more articles, gather some data, anything!  Baby steps for now. And praying for some fire in my belly before May.